Paint Wars
by Yoda Clones
Summary: Pink Yoda? Garlic in Star Wars? Read it and weep and or panic, if your brain doesn't overheat first...very AU fic with OC Jedi main characters Jandalf and Tiana. Ah, just read the story, and don't blame us if your head explodes in the process.
1. Episode I: The Garlic Menace

_ A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... there were Jedi Knights. And these Jedi were the upholders of the peace... and the wielders of the Force..._

The masters were serious all the time, and the Jedi Temple was a place of quiet contemplation... well, not all the time... Sometimes strange things happened...

(In the background, Yoda is heard screaming... "Turned PINK, I AM... LOOK LIKE A COTTON CANDY BALL, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

** Paint Wars: The Garlic Menace...**

...(Star Wars theme music plays)...

** The story that makes no sense regarding an AU plot that just might've happened so that makes it not AU, but yet it is AU and I can't tell you why but it is the tale regarding two Padawans and their masters, one of which is familiar, and the other is not...**

_ Well, that wasn't too bad... well, you haven't read the story yet..._

Disclaimer: One Jedi master belongs to Jandalf the Orange and one Padawan belongs to me, Elf with a lightsaber. And the garlic belongs to us as well. However, almost everything else belongs to George Lucas. This story was wrote by Jandalf the Orange, and I, Elf with a lightsaber. I was the one who wrote it out though... Jandalf, I hope you don't mind, I changed it just a little... and posted it...

_ Okay, here goes._

_ A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there were 152763 Jedi that were serious all the time... however, there were 3 who weren't... but even they had their serious times. We come in on the Jedi Knight, Jandalf Or'aange, and her young_ (and short) _ Padawan_ (Who also looked somewhat like an elf...), _ Tiana Elass._

We come into the story during one of those serious moments... (Which happened more often then you'd think...)

"Percents are scary," said Tiana, thinking about math, for some odd reason.

"Remember your place, Padawan," replied Jandalf, for some reason, no one but her could fathom.

Tiana was silent, also for no reason.

"Percents..."

"Yes, master?"

"You get used to percents after a while," finished Jandalf. 

"You do?!" asked Tiana, losing her place. "Err, I mean, Master?"

"...And rational numbers... And imaginary numbers... and..."

"I get the point, Master."

"Yeah," said Jandalf. "Stuff like that..."

"...Right... sure..." said Tiana.

Jandalf sighed.

"Master?" asked Tiana.

"Algebra is the bane of human kind, Padawan," said Jandalf, after a time.

_ I will be annoying,_ though Tiana.

"Um, yes, master."

"Ohhhh, no you don't!"

"What, master?!" asked Tiana.

"No annoyance from you, young Padawan."

"I didn't do it!" protested Tiana. "I wasn't the one dyed Yoda PINK!!!"

"...Sigh..." Jandalf sighed.

Tiana grinned at her master's seeming dismay.

"...But Lindo was the one who paintballed the White House," said Jandalf, grinning quietly, thinking about a character that doesn't even exist in this story.

"...She WHAT, master????????" asked Tiana.

"...with a tank... sigh, I know, Padawan. Our relations with the U.S. will steadily deteriorate.

"...Yes, Master," said Tiana, sighing. 

"Padawan?" asked Jandalf.

"I know, I understand, master," said Tiana, frustrated.

"Padawan?" asked Jandalf, again.

"What, _ master_?" asked Tiana, frustrated again.

"Just checking," said Jandalf.

"...I didn't do it..." said Tiana.

Jandalf sighed. "I know, _ Padawan_."

"I really never dyed Yoda PINK!" insisted Tiana.

"I know," said Jandalf. "...Um... I did," she admitted.

"...** _ Master_**?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" exclaimed Tiana.

"Well, that is... I was an associate with the crime..." said Jandalf "...I helped Master Windu." She grimaced. "Um, yeah. I'm on janitorial duty this week as punishment."

"Oh." Tiana stopped. "Well, I don't tell, master, if that is your concern... okay. I am sorry."

Jandalf smirked. "...And Yoda looks like a cotton candy ball... snrk."

"...Yes," said Tiana. "Yes, he does indeed, master."

"Don't be sorry, Padawan... it was so worth it..." She continued when Tiana looked at her, confused. "The look on his face... but, Padawan, don't tell him I said that." Jandalf looked at Tiana suspiciously. "...Padawan?" 

"I will not, master."

"PADAWAN!!!" shouted Jandalf.

"I am here, master," said Tiana, edging away.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?????" shouted Jandalf.

"...Errrrr..." said Tiana, continuing to edge away.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL HIM, ARE YOU?????" screamed Jandalf, sounding faintly like 152763 people fuming.

"Um, no?" asked Tiana.

"Padawaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn........" said Jandalf, menacingly.

"...I am sorry, master, but I just couldn't..." started Tiana.

Jandalf sighed.

"...help but turn Yoda blue...?" said Tiana, cringing. "Master, why are you crying?"

Jandalf snickered. "That's what color he was going to appear as originally anyway..."

"...Okay..." said Tiana.

"I am crying because you are cutting an onion, Padawan," replied Jandalf.

"Okay, I am sorry, master," replied Tiana. "...master?"

"Yes, Padawan?" asked Jandalf. "What is it?"

"Umm... were you eating garlic?" asked Tiana.

"...Guilty as charged. I love garlic," said Jandalf. "It's a healthy food, Padawan."

"...I know..., master," said Tiana, hesitantly, for she knew the dangers of garlic. "But still..."

"Keeps you going." Jandalf stopped, and looked at her Padawan, who was cringing away from her for some odd reason. "I know... the breath." She glared at her Padawan, who was still edging away nervously.

Tiana sighed. "Don't breathe on me, master..."

"Don't worry, plug your nostrils with the Force, young Padawan."

"Okay, master," said Tiana, very hesitantly.

"It'll work, trust me," replied Jandalf.

"Okay, master."

"I had tried it when Master Yoda had eaten a garlic pizza," said Jandalf, grinning ruefully.

"Ooooooooookay, master," said Tiana.

"But really," said Jandalf, "have some garlic... we can suffer together."

"...remind me never to get Master Yoda one of those," said Tiana, taking the garlic. "Okay, master..."

"You don't have to say "master" in every single sentence, you know," said Jandalf. "Just occasionally."

Tiana took the garlic, and ate it. "Help, gack, I'm... dying... akkkkkkkkkk..."

Jandalf continued, not noticing her Padawan turning blue. "No, you don't want to talk to Yoda after he's eaten a garlic pizza..." She turned to Tiana. "...Are you okay, Padawan?"

"...bad breath, oh the terror... gack..." said Tiana, clutching her throat. 

Jandalf grabbed Tiana, and attempted the Heimilich maneuver.

"Noooooooo... master, save me!!!" gasped Tiana.

Jandalf tried again. "It's coming out!!!"

Tiana coughed. "Gack. Thank you, master."

"KEEP BREATHING!!!!"

"That's the key," muttered Tiana. "Gack, hair ball." She glared at her master, who had used the Force to make her choke. "Keep breathing," she muttered.

"Let's get you down to the medical ward, Padawan," said Jandalf, smiling. "Ohh... the breath..." She fainted.

Haldir appeared momentarily. "NO! YOU CANNOT BREATHE!!!!" he screamed. Then Tiana used Force-lightning on him, and he disappeared.

"MASTER!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Tiana. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

"I'm... I'm okay, Padawan," said Jandalf.

"Okay, I won't breathe on you again," Tiana said, glaring at Haldir, whom she felt glaring at her. She zapped him again, and he disappeared in an orange flash that sounded suspiciously like 152763 people saying 'Kavaam'. She glared at Jandalf, who was grinning sneakily. "Err, just a nasty lump on my head, is all," she said, shaking away the smirk.

"All right," said Tiana doubtfully.

"Okay... okay... good..." said Jandalf. "Whooooaaa..." she breathed out.

"You must go into a healing trance!" exclaimed Tiana, moving out of range of the garlic breath.

"I'm going to brush my teeth now, Padawan... and I recommend you do too," said Jandalf.

"It'll save you though!"

"Yes, after I brush my teeth," said Jandalf, giving in to her pesky Padawan. "And gargle with Scope," she added.

"All right," said Tiana. "You mean you don't want the Jedi Counsel to die from our breath?"

Jandalf brushed her teeth frantically.

"Master, why not...?" asked Tiana.

Jandalf gurgled frantically, and spit into the sink that appeared randomly.

Tiana sighed, and brushed out of example.

"Ahhh, much better," said Jandalf. "Yes, Padawan, you must master the art of brushing."

Tiana grabbed a bottle of arsenic and gargled.

"...um..." said Jandalf. "That's not a good idea, Padawan..."

"...Master, was that toothpaste...?" asked Tiana.

"Try the Scope, instead," suggested Jandalf. "And no, that was shaving cream..."

"Or mouth wash...?" asked Tiana, nervously.

"Why do we have shaving cream?" asked Jandalf, contemplating. "..."

"Okay... Um, it tasted like... EWWWWWWW!!! SHAVING CREAM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" screamed Tiana, spitting into the sink wildly.

"Oh, well," said Jandalf. "Try this," she said, handing over a tube.

"WHY WAS THERE SHAVING CREAM HERE??????????" screamed Tiana once she had got the shaving cream mixed with arsenic flavor out of her mouth. "DID YOU HAVE OBI-WAN OVER AGAIN???????" she continued. 

"Um... yes," answered Jandalf.

"Master......................." said Tiana, implying that she had done something terrible, "you know the laws..."

"He stayed in the spare room because Qui-Gon had eaten garlic..." said Jandalf, as if that was perfectly acceptable. "Yes, I know, Padawan."

"...okay..." said Tiana.

"It was perfectly all right," said Jandalf, using the Force.

"Okay, master, I trust you," replied Tiana. "But did you know that Qui-Gon is dead?"

"Obi-Wan is gone now, but apparently he didn't take his shaving cream along," said Jandalf.

"All right..." said Tiana.

Suddenly there was a flash of orange light, and a sound that sounded faintly like 152763 people saying 'Kavaam'. Jandalf grinned slyly. "Hey, there's Obi-Wan now... OBI-WAN!!! Obi-Wan!!!"

"Hi, master Obi-Wan," said Tiana. "Wanna garlic?"

"Obi-Wan, here's your shaving cream..." said Jandalf.

Tiana grinned.

"Padawaaannnnn..." said Jandalf, very warningly.

"What, master?" asked Tiana, innocently. She grinned slyly.

"Thanks, I was looking for that," said Obi-Wan, taking the garlic. "...garlic???"

"Yes, Master Obi-Wan," said Tiana.

"Padawan, do not offer people garlic," ordered Jandalf.

"Okay, master," said Tiana, giggling. 

"I think I'll pass, thank you," said Obi-Wan, edging away nervously.

"I did brush," said Tiana. (^^)

Jandalf sighed. "See you later, Obi-Wan."

"All right..." said Tiana, using the Force. "You want the garlic..."

"No, I do not want garlic," said Obi-Wan.

"Yes, you do want garlic," said Tiana.

"..." said Obi-Wan.

"...Want garlic, you do," said Tiana.

"No, it stinks," said Obi-Wan.

"Want it. you do..." said Tiana. "Good for you, the smell is."

"Quit imitating Yoda, young Padawan," ordered Obi-Wan.

(^^)

Tiana sniffled. "Yes, master Obi-Wan,"

"Yes, I tend to agree... Padawan, put that garlic bulb away before Obi-Wan passes out," instructed Jandalf.

Obi-Wan fainted.

"But he isn't a master, why am I calling him that?" asked Tiana. "Oh, I guess he is sorta..."

"Oh, now look what you've done..." lamented Jandalf.

"I'm so sorry, master," said Tiana.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are," muttered Jandalf. "Put the bulb away."

Tiana ate the garlic in one shot.

"In a Ziploc bag..." said Jandalf.

"Gack," gasped Tiana, choking on the garlic... again.

"Oh, nooooooo..." said Jandalf.

"Oops," said Tiana.

Jandalf attempted the Heimlich maneuver again.

"I mustn't breathe..." gasped Tiana, trying to spare her master... then she changed her mind. "Keep breathing... gasp..."

"Yes!!! BREATHE, YOUNG PADAWAN!!!!!" shouted Jandalf, shaking Tiana. "WHILE THERE IS BREATH, THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK..." said Tiana. "help... she is choking me... master, let go!!!"

Obi-Wan stood up. "I think I'm going to leave, now... bye..." He edged away nervously.

"Oh, sorry, Padawan..." said Jandalf.

"Um, bye master Obi-Wan," said Tiana. "...save me..."

Obi-Wan walked off. "Bye."

"Hey, I let go," exclaimed Jandalf.

Tiana sighed. "Sorry, master."

"You're fine," said Jandalf, "and don't eat any more garlic," she added, in way of a command.

"No, I scared Obi... I won't, master."

"Yes, you did," said Jandalf. She sighed.

"I'm so sorry," said Tiana.

"That's okay," replied Jandalf, forlornly.

"All right, master." Tiana looked at her forlorn master. "Want some garlic?"

"Now, perhaps we can eat some real food..." Jandalf looked at her Padawan. "AKK!!! PUT THAT AWAY!!!!!"

Tiana pouted.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." said Jandalf, threatening to kavaam her somewhere.

"Okay, master," said Tiana.

(Ten Ziploc bags later...)  
Jandalf sighed.

"I can still smell it," said Tiana.

"Wherever did you get all that?!" asked Jandalf.

"I really don't know..." started Tiana. And then it hit her. "ANAKIN................"

"What? Where?" asked Jandalf.

"COME HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Tiana.

"???" said Jandalf.

"HE GAVE ME THE GARLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*Clueless master*

"Um, I am sorry, master..."

"WHAT!!!!" exclaimed Jandalf, as she realized what Tiana had said. "C'MERE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!"

"Help..." squeaked Anakin.

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Jandalf, as she grabbed Anakin into a strangle hold.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY APPRENTICE?????????" screamed Obi-Wan.

"Ummm... MASTER, SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!" shouted Tiana, as Obi-Wan attempted to Force-strangle her.

Obi-Wan attempted to pry Jandalf away from Anakin once he had decided that Tiana wasn't going to save her master. 

Anakin turned blue.

Obi-Wan smacked Jandalf on the head with a medal pole.

Tiana sat up, and shouted at her master, "MASTER, YOU MUST LET GO OF YOUR HATE!!!!!!!!"

"There, she's unconscious," said Obi-Wan.

"Please, help me," squeaked Anakin.

"Um, you knocked out my master..." said Tiana.

"Let's get you down to the med ward..." said Obi-Wan to Anakin.

"Master?????????????????" asked Tiana. "MASTER???????????? DIE, OBI-WAN!!!!!!!..."

"Yes, I did it out of necessity. Don't worry, she'll be all right... I hope..." said Obi-Wan.

Tiana drew her lightsaber. "...DIE................"

"Ummmmmm.... what... ACK!" said Obi-Wan.

"Enter the AU..." said Tiana, menacingly.

"Hey, Padawan," said Jandalf. "...What...?! PUT THAT AWAY BEFORE YOU GET SOMEONE KILLED!!!!"

"I WILL TURN DARK..." hissed Anakin. "AND ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!!!!!"

"Mwha-ha-ha... I HAVE A LIGHTSABER..." said Tiana.

"OH, NO YOU WON'T YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Jandalf at Anakin.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" laughed Tiana.

"C'MERE!!!!" shouted Jandalf.

Jandalf smacked Anakin.

"OUCH!" said Anakin.

"Ouch," said Tiana.

Jandalf smacked Anakin again!

"I STILL HAVE THE GARLIC!!!" shouted Tiana.

Jandalf smacked Anakin really, really hard.

"Master... here," said Tiana, tossing her the garlic.

Jandalf ate the garlic. "Aaaaaaaahhhhh, much better." She burped. "Hey, why is Obi-..."

"Okay, great," said Tiana, cutting her off, and playing with her lightsaber nervously.

"...Wan dead?" finished Jandalf.

Anakin died from the garlic breath.

"Padawan?" asked Jandalf.

"Um, I am sorry, master?" asked Tiana, edging away nervously.

"Padawan, did you kill Obi-Wan?"

"Um, did you kill Anakin, master?"

"...Yeah," replied Jandalf. "He had it comin'."

"...I have the right to remain silent?"

"...rrrrrrrrr..." growled Jandalf.

"Master???" asked Tiana, growing rather nervous.

"Oh well," said Jandalf, dropping her scowl. "We'll clone him!"

"Okay! Great plan!" said Tiana.

Jandalf took a genetic sample so that they could clone him

"Both of them," said Tiana.

"Oh, no," replied Jandalf.

Tiana sighed.

"Just Obi-Wan," said Jandalf.

"No, Ani too. Must save the ONE!" insisted Tiana.

"We don't need any more Chosen Ones running around here, offering Padawans garlic!" said Jandalf. "Doesn't matter."

"Okay, master," said Tiana, hiding the rest of the garlic. "Yep."

"Padawan, I saw that," said Jandalf sternly.

"Sorry, master," said Tiana.

Suddenly, a smell of garlic wafted through the area. The two Jedi turned to see a very pink and blue Yoda ordering a garlic pizza with an evil smile on his face.

Tiana grimaced as she stuck the garlic in her pocket, and deactivated her lightsaber. "Well, here we go again, master," she said. 


	2. Episode II: Attack of the Garlic

Well, Elf, I decided to continue the series…MWAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Star Wars does not belong to me, unfortunately…however, I am Jandalf the Orange and therefore I own the character Master Jandalf. The character Padawan Tiana is owned by Elf with a Lightsaber…and we are both very insane, as a side note. Everything else ain't ours!

Oh, yes…Elf actually wrote most of this, even though I started it. So. On with the spoof thingie.

****

The Incredibly Stupid And Random Dramatic Series Continues With Another Epic But Lame B-Movie Title While The Narrator Gripes About Her Friend Duplicating Her Ridiculously Long Titles, But Doesn't Actually Mind That Much, As A Ridiculously Long Title By Any Other Person Is Still Ridiculously Long And Stupid…Gosh, I'd Better Get On With The Real Title…Here It Is:

Paint Wars: Attack Of The Garlic

Typical Introduction Used In The Last Episode: _A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... there were Jedi Knights. And these Jedi were the upholders of the peace... and the wielders of the Force... _

The masters were serious all the time, and the Jedi Temple was a place of quiet contemplation... well, not all the time... Sometimes strange things happened...

Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi whistled Tango de Roxan (the tango song from "Moulin Rouge", for the uninformed) as he sauntered down the hall. Everything had been fixed from the previous misadventure; Anakin had gotten cloned with a transfer of memory, Yoda's pink dye had been eventually scrubbed off, and Masters Mace Windu and Jandalf were finally off janitorial duty for committing the horrible deed of dyeing the senior Council member pink. So, in essence, life was back to normal…even the notoriously insane Master-Padawan pair that had wreaked their terrible terrible destruction in the previous episode. Yes, even they were back to their normal insane selves.

Which is why Obi-Wan walked with caution-

Suddenly, any observers which happened to be passing by saw the flash of a medal pole (don't ask me why it's "medal" instead of "metal"; ask Elf) and immediately heard a sound not unlike 152763 people saying "THWACK".

Obi-Wan dropped like a dead lemur.

"MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" screamed Padawan Tiana, and swung her medal pole viciously. "GOTCHA!!!!!"

Of course, Obi-Wan died... as usual...

"Padawan!" cried Jandalf. "YOU KILLED HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"

Tiana shrugged, and hid the medal pole behind her back. (Note by Elf: I use medal because I am stubborn... and will not change it. Besides, who says it's not a MEDAL pole... there's a metal pole too...lol) "I'm sorry, master," she replied. "Can't we just clone him again?"

Jandalf sighed, and rolled her eyes.

Ever since the first garlic episode, everyone had been avoiding Yoda, who had this strange passion for garlic pizzas all of a sudden. They suspected that Anakin was at the bottom of the story... but, being that he was like that... no one knew. It had something to do with mathematical theories regarding cloning... but we all know Tiana... she didn't do math.

Obi-Wan sat up and attacked Tiana with his lightsaber, for some odd reason.

"...you're dead...?" said Tiana, countering his blows with her medal pole, which, for some reason, was lightsaber-proofed. "IT'S A CONPSIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yoda walked in during their fight, during which Jandalf was hitting her head on the wall, and Anakin was smuggling garlic into the temple. "Garlic pizza?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" sceamed Jandalf, diving at the Jedi Master who still looked faintly pinkish, but was his normal green shade now.

There was a sound effect that sounded like (you guessed it...) 152763 people saying kavaam!

Yoda didn't disappear.

"...That's odd..." mused Jandalf, oblivious to the fact that the wraith-turned Obi-Wan Kenobi was killing her Padawan.

Obi-Wan knocked Tiana unconscious, for what reason, I'm sure you can guess. 

Anakin, in the meantime, invented garlic flavored toothpaste... mixed with Arsenic... of course.

Suddenly Yoda turned purple with red polkadots.

"That's even odder..." said Jandalf.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Yoda screamed. "TURNED STRANGE COLORED, I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In the meantime, Anakin was planting garlic plants in the flower pots.

At the same time, Tiana stood up, and noticed that her medal pole had broken. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" She attacked Obi-Wan... "YOU KILLED MY MEDAL POLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She glared at him, and incinerated him accidentally.

At the same time, Jandalf was trying to figure out why Yoda had changed colors while at the same time he was killing her.

...Yaddle walked in, with a garbage can and a broom.

Everyone turned to look at her. "What?!"

"Gave her janitor duty, I did," said Yoda. "Fainted from my garlic breath, she did."

He breathed out, and everyone fainted.

Anakin hid the garlic that he was growing, all 152763 plants of them...

__

...And all this took place in that galaxy far, far away. However, this was a normal day for the Jedi, being that Tiana and Jandalf were knocked out from the garlic stench.

Normally, things were more crazy, for when the insane duo weren't unconscious or being attacked by Obi-Wan's clone... they were wreaking havoc in the Jedi Temple…

"Errrr…" said Jandalf, looking at Obi-Wan's clone, which was lying on the floor as a heap of ashes.

You guessed it. Dead.

Tiana put on her most serious expression, hiding the medal pole behind her back. "What, Master?"

"Obi-Wan's a heap of ashes, Padawan. That's not good."

"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't look as good as a heap of ashes," Jandalf explained.

"Oh." Tiana grinned.

"No. We're not repeating the shaving cream thing."

Tiana sulked. "Fine."

All of a sudden, Jandalf started crying, and this time it wasn't because her Padawan was cutting an onion. "I DON'T FEEL AS RANDOM TODAY!!!! THIS SUCKS!!!" Then, with a noise that sounded awfully like 152763 people saying "thwack", an idea hit her. "Let's go dye Yoda pink."

Tiana blinked. "But he was already dyed pink."

"Not NEON pink…MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

They laughed insanely, then headed off to ambush the Jedi Master.

"1+5 4 (0|\|5P1|24('/," said Tiana, for some odd reason, speaking so that no one else could understand her. "\/\/4|\|+ 50/\/\3 G4|2|1(?" she asked.

Jandalf rolled her eyes dramatically. "PUT THAT AWAY, PADAWAN!!!" she screamed, once she had translated what her Padawan had said, being that reading |33t is easier than translating it when it is being spoken... partly because one can't exactly speak it.

Tiana waved around the garlic. "Why, master? You were the one who introduced the garlic to me anyhow..."

Jandalf whacked the garlic out of her Padawan's hand. "BY ALL OF XENDOR'S MINIONS, THAT IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL!!!!!!!! **THE GARLIC IS EVIL, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!**"

Tiana had backed away considerably by this point.

"(0/\/\3 |-|3|23!!!!!!!!!" ordered Jandalf.

Tiana looked perplexed.

Jandalf laughed maniacally, and fell into a vat of orange dye, placed there by Master Yoda to trap the unsuspecting.

"Well, like that did anything," she muttered, as she climbed out of the tub, a bit more oranger than normal, but other then that, normal.

Tiana was laughing hysterically in the background. 

There were two sound effects, one of which sounded faintly like 152763 people saying kavamm and the other like 152763 people falling into a bucket of water.

"At least the auther didn't deside to dye me pink," gripped Tiana, as she climbed out of a ridiculously large bucket of water, her Jedi robes soaking wet.

"Yeah, then she'd be stealing MY plots," replied the even oranger Jandalf. "At least she did something else to you!"

"Yeah, because I'M her," replied Tiana, to her orange master. "That does cause for problems."

"By all of Xendor's minions," muttered Jandalf, stealing her Lord of the Clings line, but who cares anyhow.

Suddenly all of Xendor's minions popped out with a sound that sounded remarkably like 152763 people saying kavaam.

Jandalf rolled her eyes.

Tiana ate some garlic.

All of Xendor's minions died from her garlic breath.

Anakin nervously planted more garlic plants.

Obi-Wan returned from the dead.

Yoda ordered more garlic pizzas, and accidentally killed Veregre, who didn't even exist, so that was useless.

Obi-Wan decided that he didn't like being incinerated, and that he was going to haunt Tiana.

The Eye of Sauron appeared, and incinerated Mace Windu for attempting to incinerate the Jedi Temple.

Mace turned into a heap of ashes.

Frodo attempted to destroy the ring.

Tiana chewed gum, until she realized that it had arsenic in it, then she gave some to Jandalf, who was smart enough not to take the gum.

Yoda turned orange because he fell into his own trap.

Tiana and Jandalf finally decided not to sit around, and went to find something else evil to do... which involved strangling Anakin, and cloning Yoda so that they could torment him for no reason.

This, sadly, is what happened when they were bored... which was often, for the counsel didn't dare send the crazy duo out on missions.

However, Yoda had been expecting them to do something odd, and the now orange and slightly purple colored Jedi master ambushed them, and dumped white paint on Jandalf... which... strangely, didn't change her orange appearance, and she was just the slightly pale orange Jedi/Wizard.

Tiana, however, was susceptible to the paint, and her hair turned green as a result of paint being dumped on her head. Oddly enough, she remained white though...

But the Padawan didn't appreciate being greenish, though her master had learned to live with being orange, so she decided to plant garlic in the Council Room.

After they had finshed ambushing Yoda... (Jandalf had planted the Neon pink paint over the door for good measure... they decided to leave. However, the two Jedi forgot that if you opened the door, the pink dye would spill, and... well... I think you get what happened...

"I'M PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And it just so happened that the Jedi Counsel happened by at that time too.

Mace Windu laughed.

The Eye incinerated him.

Yoda laughed.

Jandalf attempted to kavaam him somewhere...

Tiana threw garlic at him, and wondered where the Remote Control of Doom was when you needed it.

Yoda incinerated... and then came back to life because Anakin used his Dark powers... *And all shall love me and despair...*

Tiana sighed. "I'm pink now."

"Not just pink," added Jandalf. "Hot Neon pink."

"Sigh. Does this wash out, master?" asked Tiana. "Or will I forever be Tiana the pink with green hair?"

Jandalf attempted to hide her laughs.

"I assume that means yes," sighed Tiana.

"Yes, Padawan," answered Jandalf, laughing crazily. "I believe so."

Tiana rolled her eyes. "I wonder if garlic will wash out pink dye. I HATE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I doubt that it will, Padawan," answered Jandalf.

"Then will shaving cream?"

"Arrrrrrggggghhhhh... Padawaaaaaannnnnnnnnn..........."

Tiana sighed. "Want some garlic?"

"...PADAWAN!!!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"I'm sorry, master. But why did you have to use PERMANENT DYE TO AMBUSH YODA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Jandalf sighed, and contemplated the meaning of life. "I'm sorry, Padawan, but Yoda the Neon Pink would've been sooooooooo funny."

She took the garlic anyhow. 

"Where did you get all the garlic anyhow...?" asked Jandalf.

"Well... I couldn't help it, master..." said Tiana. "I mean, Anakin is sooooooooooooooo cute... and when he gave me the garlic........."

"What about Ani?" asked Jandalf, eating the garlic mindlessly.

"Well... he's so cute. And he DID have 152763 garlic plants..." started Tiana.

"...cute..." said Jandalf. "That little BRAT?!"

"Well, yeah... I mean, you did like Obi-Wan... who is now a pile of ashes," replied Tiana. "And Ani is just sooooooo... and he did have so much... all 152763 plants..."

Jandalf choked on her garlic. "152763 OF THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BRAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!"

She strangle-held Anakin, seeing him attached to the roof. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG... DIE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Um, don't you mean, Dye, you little brat," corrected Tiana, quietly.

"Oh yes... DYE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Anakin raised his eyebrows...

"Umm... master?" asked Tiana. "I thought we went over this. No more killing the chosen one."

"DYE, DIE, CHOSEN BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |)13, '/0U |1++|3 8|24+!!!!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Anakin sceamed. "I'M DYING!!!!!"

"Not AGAIN!!!!!!" shouted Obi-Wan.

"You are dead." Tiana glared at him.

"Not anymore."

She sighed.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!" Anakin continued shouting, and Jandalf continued trying to kill him.

"You're dead," said Tiana, dryly.

"All the more incentive," replied Jandalf.

"Sigh." Obi-Wan sighed, and went back to being dead.

"MASTER, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!" shouted Anakin. 

Obi-Wan's voice came from the distance. "I can't carry the garlic for you Anakin..."

Jandalf rolled her eyes. "Oh, where was I...? Oh yes... DIE, CHOSEN BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DIE, OBI-WAN!!!!" shouted Tiana. "...Wait, he's already dead. Drat. Oh well."

"DIE, ANAKIN!!!!" shouted Jandalf.

"DIE, ANAKIN!!!!!!!" screamed Tiana, who wanted someone to pick on "DYE, YODA!!!!!!"

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT, PADAWAN!!!!!! Wait, not Yoda..."

"No way, not Yoda. I said DYE..."

"Okay."

Anakin rolled his eyes.

Yoda walked in, called by the commotion.

"Erm... hi, master Yoda..." said Jandalf, hiding behind her Padawan.

"Hi, MASTER YODA!!!!" called the distantly pink and green Padawan, with a very orange figure hiding behind her... "WANT SOME **GARLIC!!!!!!!**"

"What is going on?" asked Yoda. "Understand myself, I cannot. Hmmmmm, not good, that is not. Sign of doom, it is, yes, hmmmmmmmm..."

Tiana waved the garlic around in front of Yoda's face.

Yoda fainted.

"Ahh... great thinking, Padawan," said Jandalf.

"Thank you, master."

Jandalf wrinkled her nose. "That smells. We're not alone..."

Anakin ran for dear life.

"What are you talking about, he's not dear," said Jandalf.

After a moments pause, as we figure out how she knew what I said, we will carry on with the story.

.................

*pause pause*

(^^)

(^^)

Ah, there, that's better....

"Ah... I'll put it away now, master," said Tiana. "Want some Arsenic?"

"This time, put it in a Ziploc... AND NOT IN YOUR MOUTH, THIS TIME!!!!!" said Jandalf. "No! NOT ARSENIC!"

"Scope, then?" asked Tiana.

"No." Jandalf handed Tiana a Ziploc, and she double bagged the garlic.

"Now let us see to gargling," said Jandalf, once her Padawan had finished. "Ah, yes..."

"Without the shaving cream?" asked Tiana. "And no Arsenic?"

"Ah, yes..." Jandalf went off topic. "Yes, my young Padawan, you must learn the art of gargling... Yes, without the shaving cream!"

Suddenly, Mace Windu appeared with a can of shaving cream...

"????????" said Jandalf.

"0|-|, D34|2...." said Tiana.

Jandalf glared at her.

"\/\/3'|23 D00/\/\3D!!!!" said Tiana.

"What are you doing here, Mace?" asked Jandalf, trying to ignore her pesky Padawan.

Mace cackled crazilly, and sprayed shaving cream everywhere...

Everything went black... err, WHITE!

"AHHHHHHHHH.... NOOOOOOOO... BAD MACE!!!! NO COOKIE FOR YOU!!!!!!" shouted Jandalf. 

"I am powerful..." said Mace.

"GIVE ME THAT!" Jandalf grabbed the shaving cream canister.

"Akkkk! NOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!" Mace grabbed for his shaving cream.

"It's not yours anymore..."

Jandalf sprayed him, and kavaamed him to Tatooine. "Ha, there. Now maybe you'll think twice about going around, spraying other innocent Jedi! Sigh... the madness, Padawan, the madness."

"Hey!" exclaimed Tiana. "Shaving cream removes pink dye! Sweet! Oh, and master, do you really consider us innocent?"

"I don't know," answered Jandalf, as she sat down, and pondered the meaning of life.

Tiana looked in a mirror. "Meh," she replied. "My hair is still green."

"That's an interesting concept," said Jandalf, thoughtfully.

"What? My hair, or that we're not innocent?"

"I think both, Padawan," replied Jandalf, who was still orange, because that's her trademark, and she must STAY orange.

Tiana hid some more garlic.

Jandalf sighed. "This isn't going to end."

"Nope. '/0U K2||3D /\/\'/ |=4+|-|3|2!!!!" said Tiana, grinning. (You killed my father.)

"I should think not," replied Jandalf.

Tiana looked around the now shaving cream splattered Temple. "Hey! My medal pole is still here!!!!"

Jandalf shook her head. "This is crazy." She pulled out her cell phone, and ordered a garlic pizza.


	3. Episode III: Revenge of the Garlic

Well... I've finally continued, Jandalf... mwha-ha! Evilness prevails!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHA-HA!! CONSPIRACIES!!!!

Jandalf: I started authoring around the last couple of pages…mwahaha…

Okay, fine, so that has nothing to do with garlic wars... Might I note that the garlic is our equivalent to the dark side... in a way...

And now:

****

The incredibly long and boring series continues with the title, which I must put. Well, since I love breaking traditions, I'm not going to put the incredibly long and boring title that drives everyone away but who cares about that? You care about the title and the story don't you? Well, well, seems I didn't break that tradition, we have an incredibly long and boring B-movie title, or whatever Jandalf called it in the last chapter, and sheesh, If I don't hurry up and put the real title, this is going to be even longer! Paint Wars: The Revenge of the Garlic. Episode III. There, are you happy?

Oh yes... the annoying intro that must be used too...

__

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... there were Jedi Knights. And these Jedi were the upholders of the peace... and the wielders of the Force... 

The masters were serious all the time, and the Jedi Temple was a place of quiet contemplation... well, not all the time... Sometimes strange things happened...

Ahh, and the disclaimer: One: I don't own it. Well, actually, I do own the garlic, so that's that... However, I don't own Star Wars, though my master Jandalf wishes she does. But she doesn't either. I do own myself though...

Obi-Wan's third clone crept through the halls very nervously. He didn't whistle, but walked quietly, with his hand on his lightsaber... watching... waiting for the opportune moment, I guess.

Ever since the last chapter, where he had been incinerated, and then recloned, he had been on guard, trying to avoid the crazy, evil, and purely hyper Master and Padawan duo: Jandalf the even oranger, and Tiana, the Padawan with greenish hair.

And, of course, we don't blame him either...

And, if you read the last chapter, which you better have, you will understand why Obi-Wan crept through the halls nervously.

Suddenly, a bucket of garlic scented purple dye fell on his head, and Tiana fell down laughing hysterically. Until she realized that it was Obi-Wan that she had just dyed purple. "Oops," she said, and took off running, setting off a garlic bomb that she had created while her master had recloned Obi-Wan and Anakin, though the latter was quite grudgingly...

"ARGH!" he screamed. "DIE, YOU PESKY PADAWAN!!!!!!"

Anakin popped out. "Did you call me?!" But, because he had appeared at less then the opportune moment, he crashed into Obi-Wan, and both the clones crashed to the ground. 

Obi-Wan created a purple garlic scented splotch on the ground.

Anakin accidentally ignited his lightsaber, and cut a hole in the floor of the Jedi Temple, and both the Jedi fell into a laundry chute.

They landed with a sound effect that sounded faintly like 159951 people saying kavaam.

Tiana shook her head. "I just can't get the hang of those sound effects. Jandalf's always sound right."

"KAVAAM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" screamed Obi-Wan. "WHY'D IT GO **KAVAAM**?!"

Anakin took a liking to the laundry chute, and planted more garlic.

Suddenly... there was a sound like 152763 people saying kavaam, and there was a flash of orange smoke.

Jandalf appeared, with Yoda close behind her. Well, Yoda... and Mace Windu too."Padawan," she gasped, as she got close enough to talk, which didn't take her to long, being that she was running for dear life, "you must never, ever plant Neon Blue dye capsules in a Jedi Master's chair!"

Tiana raised her eyebrows momentarily; looked down at Ani and Obi, the latter of whom was cursing loudly, and shrugged. "Yes, master." Then see looked closer at the raging mad Jedi Masters, and noticed that their garments were bright blue. "Ahhh." She pulled out her garlic scented shaving cream that she had stolen from Anakin earlier, and sprayed the two Jedi Masters.

"Ah, good, Padawan. You must learn the art of shaving creaming Jedi Masters," said Jandalf, momentarily losing her train of thought. Then she realized what she had said. "YOU JUST WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? YOU SHAVING CREAMED MASTER YODA AND MASTER WINDU?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"You dyed them blue," replied Tiana, shrugging. "Shall we run?"

"Let's."

As the two Jedi dashed away from the scene of the crime, they didn't notice Anakin's garlic growing up... and covering the Jedi Temple... 

Meanwhile... (Since I haven't done this yet...)

"Mwha-ha-ha!" Emperor Palpatine looked into his evil bowling ball of terror that he had stolen from Saruman. "Soon the garlic will destroy the Jedi, and the Paint will be MINE!" He paused momentarily, realizing that that wasn't funny. "Oh, and the One Ring... and the warheads... and the medal pole..." He continued naming useless things, until he realized that the author had gave up on him being funny, and had left.

__

...Of course, this wasn't a normal day in the infamous galaxy far, far away... No, normally, Tiana and Jandalf were scarier. Obi-Wan had a reason to avoid them... and so did Anakin... that crazy Chosen Jedi brat! Let's all throw him into a volcano!

__

Yes, that was irrelevant. I don't care! Ha! But I did call it the Revenge of the Garlic for a reason, you know...

The two blue Jedi Masters fumed at the two hyper Jedi.

"Sigh," Yoda sighed. "Be the downfall of us, those Jedi will. The oddest master and Padawan duo I have met, are they. Yes, hmmmmmmm..." (^^)

Mace huffed. "I'm blue. And covered in shaving cream. Can this get any worse?!" 

Of course, at the moment, Tiana and Jandalf continued running away from the rather angered Jedi masters. And Obi-Wan and Anakin climbed out of the laundry chute. Both of them were mad, logically. 

*Star Wars theme music plays*

Tiana dropped from exhaustion. "Master, I'm tired."

Jandalf sat down. "Well, that's what you get from running away from two shaving creamed Jedi Masters."

"You dyed them blue."

"Yeah, you mentioned that."

Tiana sighed. "Want some garlic?"

Jandalf sighed. "NO."

"Sigh?" asked Tiana.

"NONONONONONONONO!!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"No? WHY NOOOOOOOOOOT???????" asked Tiana.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Jandalf screamed. 

Tiana pouted. "But, MASTER!!!!!"

"BECAUSE IT'S STINKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Jandalf whined, sounding very un-Jedi Masterish. She paused, being as her Padawan was looking at her strangely. "WHAT???? Quit looking at me like that."

Tiana sighed. "Master, GET A CLOTHES PIN!!!!" 

"NO! STOP LOOKING AT ME!"

"I'M NOT LOOKING AT YOU!" Tiana shouted back.

"IT HURTS AFTER A WHILE!" Jandalf continued to scream,

"I'M LOOKING AT OBI-WAN!" shouted Tiana. "AND I KNOW THAT!"

Jandalf glowered down at her Padawan. "...THAT'S MY JOB!" she screamed.

"WHAT IS?!" asked Tiana, continuing to shout.

"LOOKING AT OBI-WAN!" shouted Jandalf in response

"TELLING ME TO PUT THE GARLIC AWAY?" asked Tiana, not catching what her master had said. And then she got it. "OH! THAT!"

"_You're _suppose to look at _Anakin_! Remember?" replied Jandalf.

"Well, he's standing behind you with green dye..." started Tiana. "AND I KNOW THAT, MASTER!!!!!!!"

"....erk?" asked Jandalf, catching what her Padawan had just said.

"Yeah."

Jandalf ducked. Obi-Wan started to throw green dye at them, and then realized that he was about to throw it at a Jedi Master, and caught himself, splashing green dye all over himself in the come back.

"....MASTER!!!!!!!!" screamed Tiana, seeing green dye flying everywhere,

"HE'S ALL GREEN!!!!" shouted Jandalf.

"Well, no really..." said Obi-Wan, wiping green dye out of his eyes.

"I have a bad feeling about this," replied Tiana. 

"Agh..." Jandalf glared at her Padawan, as she normally did, seemingly. "Who did this? Who set Obi-Wan up with the green dye??"

"..................erk.............." Tiana erked.

"...Padawan...." said Jandalf, warningly, and with a very evil tone to her voice. "Rrrrr..."

"...what, master??" asked Tiana, grinning helplessly.

"...You know perfectly well, _Padawan_..."

Tiana cringed. "I know... do not dye Obi-Wan green." She paused. "Or you."

"I expect you to buy me some soap, at least, Padawan," said Obi-Wan, continuing to wipe green dye off his face, causing him to look remarkably like Yoda.

Jandalf sighed.

"You can't call me Padawan, Obi-Wan," replied Tiana.

Obi-Wan glared at her, and flicked green dye at her. "Well, I can call you Padawan Tiana."

"I'm not your Padawan," continued Tiana.

"I know _that_," replied Obi-Wan.

"Whatever, Master Obi-Wan," said Tiana, quite sarcastically.

"Padawan, be polite," said Jandalf sternly.

"Why? He's all green..." Tiana snrked. "Tee hee."

Jandalf paused, considering Tiana's question. "...I don't know, I just needed something to say."

"Okay."

"...agh..."

Tiana snrked again.

"He's green..." said Jandalf.

Obi-Wan snrked.

"I don't buy _soap_, Obi-Wan," replied Tiana. "Garlic?"

Obi-Wan paused midthought. "...what?!" He glared at her. "NO THANK YOU!!!!!"

"..." said Tiana. "WHAT NOT?!?!?!???????????????????"

"You don't buy soap..." started Obi-Wan "That implies... well..." he searched for the right word, "ew. AND YOU KNOW WHY NOT!!!!!!!"

"Well... master buys soap................." said Tiana, rolling her eyes.

"I buy the soap around here, sigh," sighed Jandalf.

"She makes me bathe," said Tiana, pointing at her master. "She doesn't like the "Aragorn" look."

"Ew..." said Jandalf.

Tiana sighed. "I LIKE THAT LOOK!!!!!"

Jandalf glowered at her. "Must shower at LEAST every other day... **_MUST_**!!!!"

"...yeah... sigh... not every other week?" Tiana paused. "Month?"

Obi-Wan and Jandalf both screamed "EWWWWWW!!!!" at the same time. 

"...WHAT??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I DO bathe..." said Tiana. "...sometimes..."

(Random fast fact: _well, people actually only bathed once a year in medieval times...comes the saying of throwing out the baby with the bathwater_._ Ask Jandalf for more details._)

"yeah..." said Tiana.

"Good, Padawan," started Jandalf, until she caught onto what Tiana had just said. "...sometimes...?"

"Yeah... like every other week..."

Jandalf quirked her eyebrows, and glared at Tiana. "How often?"

Tiana stopped plugging up the ventilation system with garlic. "Ummmmmmmm............" she paused. "can't.......remember......"

"..." said Jandalf and Obi-Wan. 

"Not a good sign," replied Jandalf.

Tiana cringed. "yeah...................................."

Obi-Wan sniffed. "If you'll excuse me, my Padawan seems to have found his garlic again..." he dashed off. "ANAKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tiana giggled. "tee hee... snrk... Obi-Wan, you forgot your dye!"

"...heehee... wait... that's not good...." replied Jandalf.

"....is it........?" asked Tiana.

"No. Obi-Wan's GREEN!!! ACK..." Jandalf screamed.

"...Master, you must not turn dark... that's my job," said Tiana.

"I'm not... I'm just sad... boohoo..." replied Jandalf.

"...I LIKE green Obi though!" added Tiana. 

"Padawan, you must veer from the path of darkness." Jandalf glared at her. "AND I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!"

"coughwhodoyouthinkdyedhimthatcolorcough," coughed Tiana.

"I LIKE NORMAL OBI-WAN!!!!!!!!" screamed Jandalf. "coughiaccuseyou,padawancough," she added.

"Darkside..................................." said Tiana.

"Grrrr..." said Jandalf.

"...but WHY, Master??" asked Tiana, translating that which her master had spoken. "...darkness.................."

"BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING THAT 'I HOPE SHE DOESN'T FIND ME OUT' EXPRESSION, THAT'S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Jandalf. "Grrrr........"

"I will become POWERFUL..." Tiana carried on, ignoring her master's persistent growling, "...and all shall love me and despair........."

"NOT THAT LINE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jandalf screamed.

"Oops......."

"IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Master Jandalf continued to scream. "A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, you weren't suppose to figure me out..... sigh, minions of Xendor..." 

"Minions of Xendor." Jandalf stopped her incoherent growling about conspiracies, and whatnot. "Want to go out for ice cream?"

"Okay!" agreed Tiana.

"DQ?" asked Jandalf.

"Great!" 

"All right!" exclaimed Jandalf.

"........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........" said Tiana.

"Shall we check and see if Obi-Wan and Anakin are free to come along?" asked Jandalf.

"coughitsstillaconspiracycough," said Tiana. "Okay, master!" 

"coughnotwhilei'maroundcough," replied Jandalf. She called for Obi and Ani.

"coughyesitiscough," muttered Tiana.

"ICE CREAM!!!!!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"aiusdhfalsdjfhalskjdconspiracyasjkdlfhasjdhlfajsdlf," said Tiana.

Obi-Wan and Anakin came running, Obi-Wan still obviously green, and Anakin obviously hiding garlic.

"Tee hee..." said Tiana.

"coughaljf;lajf;lawejnrlkasndf;lcough," said Jandalf.

".....................master........" warned Tiana.

"heehee, you can speak dutch too, cool..." Jandalf paused. "What?"

"alhkdfjaslhfksjdkfitsaconspiracyalaskdhfalksjdhflakjsdf," said Tiana. "adkjfhlyeahaflida."

"as;ldkj;lakwje;lkjflasconspiracyalsdkfjawelnfa," replied Jandalf.

"askdjfateeheekajdslkfja," giggled Tiana.

"a;lskdfj;aelkjfa;lskjfstopconspirating,padawansalfjwapoeijfa," ordered Jandalf.

"dkljfahsdklfjhsnrkobiwanandanakincantunderstandthisasdklfjhasdkf," said Tiana.

"a;lsfjl;asjiknowa;lskfja;slfj!" said Jandalf.

"aslkjdfhasdkwhymustistopmasterakusdff?" asked Tiana.

"asldkfjalsjfbecauseisaidso,padawanaslkdfjlasfj," replied Jandalf.

"asm,dfnahsb,mdsighmastersareannoyignattimesaksdjfahlsdf," said Tiana. She sighed. "As you wish."

"alsdkfjasldfjnoonewilleverbeabletodecryptthisasdflaksdjf," said Jandalf, giggling.

"asjkdaicanthoughaklsjdfdf," replied Tiana.

"asldfjaslkfjoursecretsaresafealslaskdfjalsdfja," answered Jandalf. "alskdfjlask...yeah...aosdkfjlaskdfjlas."

"askdjfhaslkdjfhokaycoolaskdlfjhaskldjafd," replied Tiana.

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked confused... very confused.

"As you wish, master," said Tiana.

"Well, let's go for ice cream then!" announced Jandalf.

"OKAY!!!! YAY!!!!" exclaimed Tiana.

"YAY!!!!" shouted Jandalf. "COME ON, OBI-WAN!!!!"

"CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM!!!!!" screamed Tiana.

"...yum..." said Obi-Wan.

Tiana plotted to poison him.

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!" she screamed. "YUM! AND NO GARLIC!!!!!!"

"What do you think, Anakin?" asked Obi-Wan.

"YAY! NO GARLIC!" screamed Jandalf.

"Mmmmmmmhhmmmmm..." said Anakin.

"It's decided then," announced Obi-Wan.

"...Garlic... what was that, master?" asked Anakin.

"HUZZAH!!! WE'RE OFF!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"Drat," said Anakin.

"No, no garlic!" said Obi-Wan, reading his Padawan's mind. "NONE!"

"Drat drat!" said Anakin.

Tiana snrked.

"YOU HEAR ME, PADAWAN? NONE!!!!!!!!!!!" sceamed Obi-Wan.

Jandalf snrked.

"WHAT ARE YOU SNRKING AT??????????????" asked Obi-Wan, looking at Tiana, as he understood why Jandalf was snrking.

"...Don't worry, Anakin.... tee hee...." said Tiana.

"..." said Jandalf.

"You," replied Tiana simply.

"Padawan..." Jandalf said through clenched teeth.

"Not. Funny," said Obi-Wan.

"What, master?" asked Tiana with an incent grin. "And yes, funny."

"Sigh..." Jandalf sighed. "That's "Innocent", Padawan."

Tiana sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Master, you can't read what I say."

"I'm going home," said Obi-Wan.

"I can't help that I can't spell..." said Tiana.

Jandalf sighed.

"NOOOOOO!!!" screamed Tiana.

"That's okay," said Jandalf.

"STAY HERE, OBI!!!!" screamed Tiana.

"Why? You're laughing at me."

"Garlic..." said Anakin.

"I was NOT!" shouted Tiana.

"PUT THAT AWAY, PADAWAN!!!!!" screamed Obi-Wan.

"Well... I was... but that's not the point..." said Tiana softly...

"Yes, you were..." replied Obi-Wan sternly.

"Wait... it was..." said Tiana. 

Jandalf sighed. "The confusion...."

"OBI-WAN, I AM NOT WEAK MINDED!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Tiana... "...yes... I was..."

"I'm not trying to trick you!!! I was just saying..." said Obi-Wan.

"Yes, master Obi-Wan," said Anakin. 

"...yes I was... yes I was..." Tiana continued saying.

"Oh, darn it all, let's just forget it and get some ice cream!" said Obi-Wan, sighing.

"Okay!" said Tiana. "Yes, you will."

"Sounds good," said Jandalf. 

"askldjfhyouwilleatgarlicsakjdlf," said Tiana.

"Padawan Tiana, that's not going to work on m...garlic..."

Tiana giggled. "...........tee hee."

"Eat garlic.... must...ack..." Obi-Wan fainted.

Tiana snrked.

"AGH!!! PADAWAN!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"Obi-Wan?" asked Tiana.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!!!!!?????!!!!!!!!" yelled Jandalf.

"...erk.... master....." Tiana cringed, and smiled helplessly at the same time.

"AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Jandalf.

Tiana edged away nervously.

Jandalf tried to wake Obi-Wan up. "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"...Anakin... come on..." said Tiana, continuing to edge away.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WHATWHATWHAT??????" asked Obi-Wan.

"Ok..." Jandalf looked at her Padawan, who was still edging away."...where are you going, _Padawan_?" she asked. "Padawan?"

Tiana continued to edge away.

"...DONT' LEAVE ME!!!!!!!" screamed Jandalf.

"What's going on?" asked Obi-Wan.

"We're left to have a conversation all by ourselves!!!!!" cried Jandalf.

"...oh..." said Obi-Wan.

Jandalf sniffled. "Padawan..."

"...WHAT????" asked Tiana.

"Oh, you're back," said Jandalf dryly. "Heh."

"Yeah... comlink went off..."

"Oh... ick..." said Jandalf. "Bad comlink..."

"Obi-Wan?" asked Tiana. "Are you okay?"

"..." said Obi-Wan.

"I think he's scared," replied Jandalf.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Tiana.

"Maybe I should cheer him up," answered Jandalf, looking at the scared Obi-Wan pitifully.

Anakin snrked.

Tiana stared at Obi-Wan. "Master Obi-Wan, ARE YOU OKAY?????"

He looked at her strangely. "Of course I am."

She grinned in relief. "Good. No damage?"

Jandalf grinned. "He's always okay!" And with that, she hugged Obi-Wan, rendering him speechless once again.

Tiana sighed. "Master…"

"What?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT!!!" Tiana screeched, not really sure why she was screeching.

Then Tiana and Jandalf began giggling for no apparent reason. The reason soon became apparent, however, at the look on Obi-Wan's face.

"LEAVE MY MASTER ALONE!!!" cried Anakin. "ONLY I CAN TORMENT HIM!!!"

"…I don't think so," Jandalf replied.

"YES, I CAN!!" argued Anakin.

Obi-Wan regained his speech at the stealing of his "I don't think so" line, and said angrily, "That's my line! And no you don't, Anakin!"

"Yes, I do," the Chosen Brat replied smugly.

"NO!!" Obi-Wan barked.

Tiana eyed them both. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Me too," agreed her master.

Anakin reached into his pocket. "Yee hee…garlic…"

"Maybe Obi-Wan needs another hug…" remarked Jandalf, then saw what Anakin was up to. "GARLIC??!!?? WHY YOU LITTLE…" She barely managed to restrain herself.

Obi-Wan snatched the garlic at the whim of a subliminal message that does not appear in this story. "Mmm…garlic."

"DIE, CHOSEN BRAT!!!" shouted Tiana, forgetting she liked Anakin. Most of the time.

"Ack…" Obi-Wan was not coping too well with the overwhelming smell of the garlic he was munching on.

"…OBI-WAN!!!" yelled Tiana, noticing for the first time. "STOP THAT NOW!!! NO, DIE!! DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jandalf gasped. "OH, NO!! WHAT DID YOU DO, PADAWAN???!!???"

Tiana cringed. "Oops…"

Obi-Wan promptly fainted.

"Did I kill Anakin?" wondered Tiana.

"Not again," moaned Jandalf, and tried to wake Obi-Wan up.

Tiana decided to yell in the unconscious Jedi's ear. "Obi-Wan!! OBI-WAAAAANNNN!!!!"

"Maybe another hug will do the trick," mused Jandalf, and hugged him.

"Master…" began Tiana.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Obi-Wan yelled, and sat up.

"…ah, what the heck." Tiana decided to forget that.

"What's wrong?" Jandalf asked him.

His eyes were wide. "I just had this terrible nightmare…oh, never mind."

Tiana got an idea. "Master, give Obi-Wan a nice big hug."

Jandalf thought that was a great idea.

"YAY!!" shouted Tiana, throwing random confetti shaped like horses for no apparent reason.

Tiana snrked as she thought of something. "Blackmail…"

Jandalf didn't hear this, and hugged Obi-Wan again.

"Wait a second," said Obi-Wan. "Blackmail???"

"I WILL BLACKMAIL YOU ALL WITH MY CAMERA!!" Tiana proclaimed. "I videoed you…" She snrked again.

Jandalf hugged Obi-Wan _again._ "Who cares?"

Tiana snrked yet again and produced another tape, which she popped into her Camcorder, and focused in on Obi-Wan's priceless expression.

He finally shouted, "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!"

"Oh, yes it is," said Tiana, still filming.

"NO, IT'S NOT!!! I'll find a way to get you back…I'll…I'll…why I'll…" He desperately tried to think of something.

Everyone stared in wonder as he finally thought of something, and hugged Jandalf.

"SO THERE!" he shouted.

Tiana's jaw dropped, and then she snrked.

"YAY!!!!" Jandalf yelled.

"_That's_ getting back?" Tiana said to Obi-Wan.

He was puzzled for a moment. "Uh…did I misunderstand?"

"YES!!" Jandalf yelled, deciding that was a good thing, for her at least. "YAY!!!"

"…I will blackmail you all…" Tiana plotted.

"YAY!!" shouted Jandalf.

Obi-Wan was, once again, effectively rendered speechless.

Tiana continued to plot. "…and I will become powerful…"

Jandalf snapped back to reality. "Padawan…"

"asdkfjandmasteryodawillkickyoualloutaksjdfhlasfasdf," said Tiana.

Jandalf and Tiana giggled.

"What? What?" Obi-Wan demanded, unsure of what was going on.

"And you will have to get married," Tiana continued.

"Wait a sec," said Jandalf. "Is Anakin still dead?"

Tiana snrked. "No, I revived him."

Jandalf shrugged. "Well, that's okay with me, I guess."

Obi-Wan finally translated Tiana's jumble. "…KICK ME OUT?????"

"Yeah," said Tiana.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tiana grinned. "I will show this tape to the Council… With a little bit of editing, of course," she added as she received a warning look from Jandalf.

Jandalf nodded. "Oh, okay."

"A LOT of editing," Tiana corrected herself after a moment's thought.

Jandalf shrugged. "I was only hugging him."

"Yeah, but they don't know that," Tiana reasoned.

Obi-Wan remembered and the priceless expression returned with the memory.

Jandalf and Tiana giggled again.

"I will edit it," continued Tiana, "more and more…"

"I think I need a hug," said Obi-Wan, not realizing the implications in that sentence.

Jandalf did, and hugged him.

"No, I didn't mean specifically from you," he corrected.

"Oh." She thought about this. "Oh, well." …And hugged him again.

Tiana giggled. "Who did he mean?"

"…I'm not sure," answered Obi-Wan.

Anakin rose from the floor. "He MEANT…MMMPPPPHHHH!!" Tiana covered his mouth.

"Hey," said Jandalf, "you're supposed to be dead."

Obi-Wan sent a glare in Anakin's direction. "My APPRENTICE…"

Tiana put a finger to her mouth. "Shh, it's blackmail…Anakin, be QUIET!"

~~~***~~~

Tune in next time to hear wedding bells!!!

Heehee…that's right…


	4. Episode IV, V, and VI!

****

Paint Wars: A Chocolate Hope, The Garlic Strikes Back and The Return of the Garlic

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And a wedding too!

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Disclaimer: None of us own it. No... wait... I OWN THIS DISCLAIMER!!!! YAY!!!!!

Hey, did I just put in a short title for once? Oh well, who cares...? It's ONLY after midnight as I type this out...

A note from Jandalf: Originally, we were going to post the next chapter as "A Chocolate Hope"…but I looked it over and it covers the exact same thing! Erk. So…perhaps we'll post it later as a "deleted scene", or something…(smacks self) Heh. So. This chapter is A Chocolate Hope, The Garlic Strikes Back AND The Return of the Garlic.

Oh yeah, and the intro... by memory, because I, Tiana, am too lazy to pull out the previous fics. Sigh.

__

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there were Jedi Knights. And these Jedi were the wielders of the Force, and the upholders of the peace. And, the Jedi Temple was a place of quiet contemplation... well... most of the time. Sometimes strange things happened... heck, there's been so many strange things happening of late... well... we'll just let you read on and see about those strange happenings...

It was a bright and sunny day-- although not at the Jedi Temple. At the Jedi Temple, it was a cloudy, gray day, though there was no sign of rain-- there was only signs of Anakin. A wedding was being planned, everything was in chaos-- though it was organized chaos at least. Well, in a way. Anakin Skywalker was running around screaming about using the Force to put up decorations, while, in the meantime, Tiana and Jandalf were having an interesting discussion...

"I want to rule the universe," Tiana said, as she put up random decorations. They had attempted to kavamm the decorations up, however, that failed, and they were stuck putting them up the hard way-- Tiana on a chair, and Jandalf on a step stool. (Obi-Wan wasn't helping because he was too busy chasing Anakin!)

"Yes, I know, Padawan," Jandalf said absentmindedly, as she put up decorations, as I noted earlier. Then the meaning of that hit her. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" she proclaimed.

Tiana looked at her strangely, and hopped off the chair, falling and smashing several objects in the process. "What's with the insane laughter, master?"

"_WE SHALL RULE THIS UNIVERSE AS FATHER AND..._ wait... that doesn't really work..."

"Ummm... no it doesn't, master. Here." The still short Padawan handed up the lights she had got down to get, having to stand on a chair to get to Jandalf's height however, ruined the effect. "If you want to dominate the world, it would work better as Master and Padawan, I think."

"Sure!" Jandalf had been drinking lots of coffee earlier, thereby causing her to end up on a sugar high. Well, not a sugar high, but she was hyper, anyhow, since she liked coffee too much for her own good. Jandalf can personally vouch for this. Tiana climbed back up on the chair and helped her string the lights.

Just then, Anakin walked by with garlic in hand. "Garlic?"

"Okay!" agreed Tiana, climbing down to get the garlic. Jandalf grabbed her, just as she began going into the Galadriel quotes.

"PUT THAT AWAY!" Obi-Wan came running in, looking as if he had been running. Anakin made a face, and hid behind Tiana, who was going on and on about people loving her and despairing.

"No!" said Anakin.

Jandalf sighed dramatically. "Not THAT line again..."

"Put me dooooowwwwwwnnnnnnnnn!!!!" screeched Tiana, as Jandalf dropped her. Tiana fell into a heap of laundry on the floor, and wondered where the laundry came from anyhow.

"Yes!" screamed Obi-Wan back at Anakin.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!!"

"YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Anakin paused, took a breath. "You killed my father."

"Ow," said Tiana, standing up.

Jandalf snickered, and looked at Anakin. "Anakin, you don't have a father."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..." Anakin stopped, and jumped up onto the chair dramatically, and taking on a new tone, he proclaimed, "I do SO HAVE A FATHER!!!!!!! DYE!!!!!!!!" However, unlike usual, green dye did not appear from nowhere, and the effect of screaming 'dye' on top of a chair was rather ruined. Anakin slipped, and tumbled off of the chair, and landed on top of Tiana. "Ow. Anyhow..." He stood up, and ignoring the fact that Tiana was yelling at him in Elvish to watch his step; proclaimed, "I do so have a father, you just don't want to tell me!"

"Anakin..." Obi-Wan sighed. "You do not have a father! You were conceived by the Force!"

"Ummmmm..." said Tiana, standing up, and ceasing the yelling in Elvish.

Anakin jumped up, fell down, and jumped back up again. Of course, the fact that he fell ruined the dramatic effect, but no one seemed to notice that... "YES!" he proclaimed. "YOU KILLED THE FORCE!!!!!!"

Jandalf was suddenly very confused. "...Who, me?"

"You killed my father, the Force," Anakin repeated. He looked very smug, and proud of himself.

Jandalf was even more confused. She jumped down, and nearly slipped herself, because someone had just waxed the floors. Which was very confusing in itself because the floors were rug, and NOT wood. But no one ever seemed to pay attention to those small details. "I didn't kill him... it... ummm... did I?" The Jedi Master was even more confused by now.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Obi-Wan did. Not you." While they were all in such a state of confusion, Anakin planted garlic in the fruit punch.

"What?! How in that galaxy would I accomplish... ANAKIN! BAD PADAWAN!" Obi-Wan hissed. Which was seemingly out of character for him, but that's okay, because I'm the Narrator, and I said he hissed. This is the point in time where the Narrator will look smug.

"You have a furry lizard... and what... I'M NOT BAD!" Anakin screeched, and glared at Obi-Wan. "Anyhow, why do you have a furry lizard?"

"I do not have a ysalamiri, and yes, you are bad," Obi-Wan replied, attempting to remove the garlic from the punch.

"You do too!" insisted Anakin. Of course, the fact he ignored was that all of the present Jedi could feel the Force, making for a problem with that argument.

"DO NOT!" shouted Obi-Wan, glaring at the punch which continued to hold a garlic flavor. He threw it out, and ordered some more.

"LOOK! IT'S BEHIND YOU!" announced Anakin, jumping up and down gleefully.

Obi-Wan looked very confused, along with Jandalf. "What?"

"HI, QUI-GON!" Anakin announced, bouncing up and down-- an interesting feat, being as the floor was not exactly bouncy. Nonetheless, Anakin was bouncing up and down.

Obi-Wan was even more confused for a moment, until it sunk in. "What... Master?"

"Yesssss... it is I," hissed Qui-Gon, who sounded very UNQui-Gonlike when he did that.

"Oh... hi..." They both looked confused, until Qui-Gon commented, "I feel dead."

"Uh-huh..."

"I had to come back for your wedding," Qui-Gon explained.

Obi-Wan nodded, and brightened up considerably. "Well, that's awfully nice of you. Do you want to meet my bride?"

The dead Jedi straightened up, and adjusted invisible sunglasses for no reason at all. "But I already have, Mr. Ander...err...Obi-Wan. Ummm... sure!"

"Have you been watching _The Matrix_ again?" asked Obi-Wan suspiciously.

Jandalf bounced into the picture, having left to fetch the new punch, though no one noted that earlier, not even the Narrator. "HI QUI-GON!!!"

Qui-Gon hid the DVD behind his back quickly, as he turned to look at Jandalf. Obi-Wan tsked, finding his Master's obsession with _The Matrix_ to be rather annoying. "HI, JANDALF!"

Anakin made a rather odd face, as he took the punch, and set it back down, and then helped himself to Qui-Gon's DVD, until, that is, he tripped over Tiana, and dropped it.

"How's life... errr... death treating you?" asked Jandalf cheerfully.

"Dead, as usual," replied Qui-Gon.

Jandalf nodded. "Okay, I see."

Tiana stood up, being as she had just been tripped on by Anakin, which gave her reason to be on the floor. "Master, you're talking to dead people...? Qui-Gon is dead."

"Yes, I know, Padawan."

"Why are you talking to the wall, and addressing it as Qui-Gon...? Are you having mental problems again?"

Jandalf looked very insulted. "Of course not, Padawan. I'm talking to Qui-Gon Jinn's Force ghost. And I'm NOT having mental problems. ...did you say AGAIN...?"

"Uh... no?"

Jandalf glared at Tiana. "Suuuuuuurrrrre. Just use the Force, Padawan."

"You're talking to the WALL... seriously, you need help, master!"

"No, everyone else can see him fine!"

Anakin waved, quite pointlessly. "Hi Qui-Gon!"

"I can see him," pointed out Obi-Wan.

Tiana put her hands on her hips. "Well, I CAN'T!"

"Then try harder!"

Tiana shook her head, and sat down, accidentally landing on a water balloon, and splattering water everywhere. She made a face, and stood back up. "You are all going insane!" she proclaimed.

"Well, I admit to that, but still..." Jandalf glared at Tiana again. "Anyhow, Obi-Wan and Anakin aren't so insane."

Anakin made a face. "Weeeelllllllll..."

"That remains to be determined," Tiana said dryly.

Anakin hid the garlic. "EEEEKKKKKK!!!! IT'S A VAMPIRE!!!!!" he screamed. A little known fact about Anakin is that he is actually afraid of vampires, and that is why he carries garlic.

"Where?!" asked Obi-Wan, drawing a wooden stake. ((It took me a while to get this, I'm not educated in vampire lore, snrk.))

"THHHEEERRREEE!!!! LOOK!!!!" Anakin pointed wildly at a faintly pink shape.

Suddenly, Yoda walked out of the mist. "Only me, it is."

"I SEE HIM!!!!" Obi-Wan proclaimed. "Oh... heh heh... hello, Master..."

"Bad Padawan, you are," stated the slightly pinkish Yoda, who stepped forward, and slipped in the puddle. Tiana hid laughter as she helped the diminutive Jedi Master up.

Obi-Wan quickly hid his wooden stake. "Sorry."

"Try kill me, do you?" Yoda would've waved around his gimer stick, but he needed it to stay balanced on the slippery (waxed and carpeted) floor.

"Yes?" asked Anakin.

"Ummmmm..." said Tiana.

"No, no, I'd never try to kill you, Master," Obi-Wan said hastily. "Only vampires."

Jandalf sighed, and Qui-Gon giggled.

"Right..." said Yoda, shaking his head.

"Hey, Qui-Gon, you want to be our best man?" asked Jandalf.

"Sure," answered Qui-Gon.

Jandalf stopped, and thought for a moment. "Best dead man, that is..."

Tiana made a face, and nearly slipped in the process. "A best man I can't see...?"

"REALLY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" continued Obi-Wan, rather pointlessly, because no one was paying attention to him beyond the narrator anyhow.

Jandalf looked at Tiana, and shook her head. "You could see him if you used the Force, Padawan."

Tiana looked up at her master. "Is he wearing the One Ring?"

Jandalf stopped. "No... he's dead." Tiana just shook her head, and I'm sure you all can imagine what she was thinking...

But what Tiana was thinking was of little concern as Anakin hid the One Ring.

"Dead?" asked Tiana, pointlessly, as we all had guessed her thoughts anyhow.

Jandalf sighed. "...Anakin..."

"I KNEW YOU WERE NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Tiana.

Jandalf rolled her eyes, and sat down. "Yes, Padawan. Dead. And I'm just insane, I'm not nuts."

Tiana rolled her eyes. "Like that doesn't mean the same thing, anyhow."

Suddenly there was a loud poof. "Can you see me now?" asked Qui-Gon.

Tiana nodded, in shock. "Heh heh... sorry..."

"Oh good!" Obi-Wan grinned. "I wanted Qui-Gon to be the best man, anyhow... well... the best dead one..."

"I can still see you, Qui-Gon," said Jandalf, for really no reason at all.

Suddenly, a thought came to Anakin, and he slipped. Again. And stood back up. "I have to marry Tiana? But WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????????"

Obi-Wan made a face. "Because she loves you. You'd better get used to that, Anakin."

Anakin snorted. "She just loves tormenting me."

There was a long pause. "Well, that too," admitted Obi-Wan. "Why don't you try loving her back?"

Anakin choked, in shock. "Do WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? I HAVE TO **LOVE** HER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I knew that wasn't going to go over so well, somehow. But it would be ideal for both of you, Padawan."

Anakin sighed. "...Well... I can try... I guess..."

Obi-Wan nodded. "There's a good lad."

"But Tiana has to stop tormenting me then," Anakin added in.

"You can make a deal with her, you know..."

Tiana choked. "WHAT?!!!!!!!!!"

"It's all in fairness, really."

Tiana continued with her hysterics. "I HAVE TO BE NICE TO ANI?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Jandalf patted Tiana on the back. "C'mon, Padawan, you can do it!"

Tiana made a face. "Well... maybe..."

"Maybe," said Anakin. The two looked at each other...

Violin strings began to play in the background.

Tiana stopped looking at Anakin, and the moment was ruined, sadly. "HEY!"

Jandalf shrugged. "Sorry, just creating the mood."

Minas Morgul theme music began to play as Tiana glowered at Jandalf. Of course, the whole effect of glowering was lost considering she had to look up to glower, and thereby ruining it. "Mood music," Tiana said, dryly.

Jandalf nodded. "That's my Padawan."

Tiana nodded. "Yeah, I'm still your Padawan whatever happens... hopefully..."

Frantically, Obi-Wan looked around. "Where? What? Music? How?" He continued looking around, and Jandalf sighed.

"You're scaring my fiancé, Padawan."

Anakin sighed. "It's in the CD player, Master... Tiana brought one, you know."

"Ohhhh... heh heh..."

Anakin looked over, and fiddled with it; changed the music to In Dreams.

"Oops, sorry, Obi-Wan," said Tiana.

"Right. Maybe I need to lay off on the coffee," replied Obi-Wan, forgetting the effect the word... (whispers) coffee (end whisper) had on Jandalf.

"COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screeched Jandalf, and sighed happily. "Yuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....I want coffee........................."

Tiana made a face. "EWWW!!!! NO COFFEE!!!!!!!"

"I WANT COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!" Jandalf proceeded to kavamm up coffee, and make Tiana scowl. Tiana hated coffee, if you don't recall from the last chapter.

"Can we play Duel of the Fates?" asked Obi-Wan, looking at the CD player.

"SURE!" Anakin replied happily. He pulled out the CDs, and began flipping through to find the right song. "Wait, doesn't that one bring up bad memories..."

"I LOVE KICK-BUTT MUSIC!!!!! And no... not really... I mean, my master's still with me in spirit... right, Master?"

Qui-Gon was plugging his ears, and muttering something about dying to that music. "Can't you play Into the West?"

"Consider it a memorial, then," said Obi-Wan. He glared at Tiana, who was jumping up and down singing a spoofy version of Into the West. "Duel first, and then West."

Tiana stopped jumping. "Oh... okay."

Obi-Wan popped in the CD. "Hey, why are you plugging your ears?"

Qui-Gon unplugged his ears. "What? I didn't hear you!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Fine, have it your way, but I'm still listening to Duel!"

As the song went on, Qui-Gon unplugged his ears. "Hey, this isn't half bad..."

Obi-Wan snickered. "I kicked Maul's butt... heh heh..."

Qui-Gon muttered something about being killed, and Obi-Wan added in, "I avenged you."

Qui-Gon shrugged. "Okay, that's good, then."

"With _your_ lightsaber even! How fitting is that?" remarked Obi-Wan.

"Speaking of which, can I have it back?" asked Qui-Gon. "Ah, never mind... you can keep it."

"Thank you, Master." Obi-Wan kept Qui-Gon's lightsaber.

"Say, Qui-Gon," began Jandalf, "can you wear a tux while you're dead?"

Tiana begina snickering. "Just don't go in the moonlight..."

"Ummm... yeah... but I don't WANT to..." He looked over at Jandalf and Tiana, both of whom were snickering insanely.

"Heh heh... moonlight... heh heh..." Jandalf giggled.

Obi-Wan looked over at his master. "Why not?"

"What was that about moonlight?" asked Qui-Gon suspiciously.

Jandalf grinned. "Oh, nothing..."

Tiana giggled.

"Do you have a suit that will fit me, Padawan?" asked Qui-Gon.

Tiana, in the meantime, was plotting about moonlight, and cursed Aztec gold.

"...Me?" Obi-Wan pointed at himself. "I'm at least twelve sizes smaller than you, Master. At least."

Qui-Gon smiled. "My point exactly."

"Don't you have one?"

"No," Qui-Gon answered. He shuddered—Qui-Gon did not like wearing suits.

"They have lots of things in the lands of the dead, or so I hear," Obi-Wan commented. "Surely there's a Moores store somewhere."

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes. "I don't shop, anyhow. And I'm not going back there."

"Then get Tahl to. She's there with you, isn't she? She knows your sizes."

Qui-Gon suddenly started crying pitifully. Obi-Wan and Jandalf looked at each other. "What? Did I say something?" asked Obi-Wan.

"SHE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON THERE, PADAWAN!!!!!!!" wailed Qui-Gon.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" asked Obi-Wan, confused.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SO'S DARTH MAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" lamented Qui-Gon, pathetically.

Obi-Wan stopped, and made a face. "Oh... ummm... oops?"

"HE TOOK OVER ALL THE MOORES STORES!!!!!!!!" Qui-Gon continued, stopping for a moment to reflect on how stupid that phrasing sounded. He gave up on it, however, and continued bawling.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Ah. I see. Well... wasn't Tahl good with a sewing machine?" asked Obi-Wan.

In a random flash of... nothing, actually... Tahl appeared. "You bet, sweetums!"

Quo-Gon continued wailing. "HE TOOK THE SEWING MACHINE TOO!!!!!!" And then he stopped, as he noticed the cute Jedi that hd just appeared. "Heeeeelllllooooo..."

"Not mine, he didn't," stated Tahl. She winked at Qui-Gon. "Hey, there."

Qui-Gon grinned. "GREAT! Hey, let's get married!"

"Awesome! A threesome wedding!" Tahl announced.

Yoda walked in, glaring, and looking quite red. "Forget me, do you?"

Jandalf managed to keep a very blank face.

"And ME!" annonced Padmé.

"Fivesome then. But who are you marrying, Padmé?" asked Tahl.

"Boba, remember?" asked Padmé, sighing happily, and ignoring Anakin's fuming. Anakin was quickly quieted by Tiana, however.

"Ooooooh... isn't that a cute match!" said Jandalf.

"Sigh... yes... Boba Fett..." Padmé smiled contentedly.

"You mean the clone of the guy who tried to kill me?" asked Obi-Wan, scowling for a moment.

"I'm not going to kill you," the masked bounty hunter said, stepping in. "I'm merely going to marry Padmé."

Padmé smiled, and sighed. "He's so handsome..."

"Hey, my guy's handsome too!" Tahl grinned at Qui-Gon.

Jandalf suddenly hugged Obi-Wan on the spur of the moment. Obi-Wan hugged her back. Tahl hugged Qui-Gon... etc.

"Ummm... am I included in this hug war?" asked Anakin, looking at the ground.

Yaddle hugged Yoda, and Yoda turned pink. As if he wasn't already…

"YES!!!" proclaimed Jandalf.

Yaddle giggled at Yoda.

Anakin looked at Tiana nervously. "Do I HAVE to?"

Jandalf snickered/giggled.

"She likes choking me," Anakin added, by way of an explanation.

"Padawan, do not choke your fiancé," ordered Jandalf.

Yoda looked in a mirror. "TURNED PINK, I AM!!!!"

"It's not very nice," Jandalf added.

"EEEHHHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE!!!!!" Yaddle giggled.

Tiana pouted. "Awwwwww... fine!" She hugged Anakin.

"Look like cotton candy, you do!" said Yaddle.

Anakin stopped; stared at Tiana. "Hey... she's not choking me... cool..."

Yoda grinned. "Exactly, dear, and love it, I do!" He hugged Yaddle again.

Jandalf hugged Obi-Wan again for good measure, and Tiana made random faces while Yoda's back was turned. Padmé tried to hug Boba, but, sadly, the armor got in her way. "Drat."

Jandalf sighed. "Boba, do you ALWAYS have to wear that thing?"

"Yes."

"Even for the most special day of your life?"

Boba started crying. "I have a weird face!" he lamented. "THAT'S WHY I WEAR THIS!!!"

Obi-Wan snrked, and Jandalf added, "Actually, it probably looks better than your dad's..." Obi-Wan snrked again.

Boba admitted to this, and disappeared to return with a paper bag over his head. "Better?"

"You wer actually pretty cute as a kid, you know," Obi-Wan added.

"I'm not a kid anymore," Boba pointed out, adjusting his paper bag.

Padmé squealed like a love-struck teenager, which fit, being as she WAS a love-struck teenager. "HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, except for that glare you kept giving me," Obi-Wan amended.

"DON'T INSULT HIM! HE'S CUTE!" Padmé screeched.

"Sorry."

"You'd better be!" She hugged Boba, and glared at Obi-Wan.

"I am! Quit looking at me like that!"

"Oh... sorry."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "'sokay."

Qui-Gon hugged Tahl randomly to get his mind off the chaos.

Tahl sighed. "Awwww..." She hugged him back.

Qui-Gon annouced, "Yay!"

Jandalf and Qui-Gon giggled pointlessly, and hugged the appropriate characters they were matched to.

"Wait!" Anakin jumped up on top of a table, and slipped on the random ice cream sundae that was split on it. "Ow... anyhow... where's the pastor?" he asked.

Jandalf stopped. "Ummmm..."

"Master?" asked Tiana.

Jandalf snapped her fingers. "CHEWIE!!!!!!!!! Where is he?"

"I don't know!" Tiana replied.

"CHEWIE!!!!" Jandalf hollered. "WE NEED YOU TO MINISTER!!!!!!"

"I LOVE ANAKIN!!!" Tiana yelled, pointlessly.

"Uurrrr?" asked Chewie.

Tiana rolled her eyes. "Where's Threepio?"

[Okay, we'll start as soon as everyone's properly dressed,] Chewie said.

Threepio popped out. "I am here, and am fluent in over six million..."

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" Everyone but Tiana yelled, the latter of the mentioned was sulking. She liked Threepio.

"WHERE'S HAN??!!???!!!" demanded a newcomer-- a Jedi Master. Nameingly, Audreidi.

Han appeared in a loud kavamm. "I'm here!"

"I NEED TO MARRY HAN... oh..." She hugged Han.

"Hi, princess... wait... you aren't Leia..."

Tahl sighed. "Okay, make that a sixsome wedding."

"You can have Jacen," Han said to Audreidi.

"But I'm a princess... NO!!! I WANT YOU!!!!!!"

"Well............................."

Leia scoffed. "Fat chance, nerf herder. I'm marrying Isolder!"

Audreidi made puppy-dog eyes at Han, looked very much like Anakin for a moment, though she would never've admitted that. ((Audreidi: WHAAAT?))

"SA-WEET!!!!!!" screeched Isolder.

"Okaaaaayyyyyy..." Tahl counted on her fingers. "Seven-some."

"Or maybe Will Turner..." Leia continued.

"Oh, fine, Jedi gal!" said Han. He hugged Audreidi. Audreidi hugged him back.

[What a big wedding!] barked Chewie. [WILL EVERYONE GET DRESSED, PLEASE?!!!!!!!!]

"Hey, furball, be quiet!" Han said.

"RRRRRRrrrrr...."

"I'm hugging a Jedi here!" Han finished.

"I'm hugging a smuggler here!" Audreidi added.

[We're trying to have a wedding here!!!] Chewie shot back.

"Well..." Han was speechless, but shrugged anyway. "Okay."

Jandalf suddenly jumped up. "ACK! WE NEED RINGS!!!!!"

"YES!!!" Audreidi added, sounding almost the same as Jandalf, which was logical enough, as they WERE, after all, twins. However, no one noted that little fact at the time.

"I have one," Anakin said.

"I've always wanted the ONE RING!!!" Tiana proclaimed.

Obi-Wan looked at her peculiarly. "Not the One Ring. Wedding Rings."

"Awwwww..." Anakin groaned.

"We need some, and fast!"

Tiana emptied her pockets. "I have a garlic ring, and a Kubasa ring..."

Obi-Wan snapped his fingers. "Contact the dwarf lords, and the Elf rulers..."

"...and a Candy Ring..." Tiana added.

"You…what? A candy ring?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Yeah, it's one of the Candies of Doom," Tiana replied, dryly.

"We're getting sidetracked," Jandalf pointed out.

In the meantime, while the three argued about wedding rings, Tahl, Qui-Gon, Anakin, and all the others got dressed into proper wedding clothes.

Tahl wandered back in in her wedding dress. "Good thing I run a jewelers store on the side."

Anakin pointed out that he could rob the counsel's treasury…however, Yoda glared at him so fiercely he shut up.

Tahl tossed random rings up into the air. "IF YOU LIKE IT, KEEP IT!" she announced.

Yoda juggled the rings randomly.

Tiana grabbed a gold, shiny one. "My preciousssssssssssss..."

"Padawan..."

"What?"

"No 'preciouses' today, Padawan."

Qui-Gon grabbed many rings. "One for you, one for me..."

Jandalf giggled, and grabbed a ring.

"I have many rings in my pocket," Han commented.

"Awwwwwww..." said Tiana, to the above comment of Jandalf's.

"You didn't steal them, did you?" asked Audreidi.

"Ummm... no?"

"Akk! I'm turning into a Skywalker already!!!!" Tiana screeched.

"Not the WHINING!!!!!" Jandalf lamented.

"Awww... akk!" Tiana covered her mouth quickly. "I'm turning Skywalker!!!!!"

Audreidi hugged Han. "You're not fooling anyone! YOU'RE THE GALAXY'S BEST SMUGGLER!!!!!"

Jandalf giggled.

Han bowed. "Well, thank you."

Threepio looked rather miffed. "What about me?"

TC-15 popped out. "Hiiii..."

The two droids walked off arm in arm. Jandalf made an odd face. "Oyness."

"WHAT ABOUT A CAKE?!?!?" Tiana demanded, forgetting her Skywalker troubles for the time.

"It's getting late," Qui-Gon commented. "What was that about moonlight?"

"Umm... oh... cake... heh heh... nothing..."

Tiana proclaimed, as she lept up onto a table top, "I'll bake one!!!!!" And then she fell. "Ow." She reached through a random window, and pulled a very large chocolate cake out.

"YAY!!! WE HAVE A CAKE!!!! Now we must have a wedding!" Jandalf said, quickly kavamming herself into a NOT orange wedding gown. Tiana, likewise, put an Éowyn Shieldmaiden dress on overtop of her Padawan clothes. Obi-Wan followed suit. ((heh heh)) He put his SUIT on... get it...? Ah, forget about it.

"Okay... let's get started then," Audreidi said.

Tiana was confused, and said so in plain Entish. Sadly, no one understood Entish, and she was taking too long to say it, so Anakin hit her, and she repeated it in English. "One couple at a time, then?" she asked. "Auddie and Han first?"

"I'm FIRST!" whooped Han. The two stepped up the random altar that appeared there.

"Where that altar came from, I do not know," stated Yoda.

"Me neither," Yaddle replied. However, the two were quickly quieted by Chewie.

[Okay... do you take this Jedi to be your lawful wedded wife, Han?]

Han jumped up and down. "YES, YES!!! AND YES!!!!!"

"Confused, I am," whispered Yoda.

Chewie rolled his eyes. [Okay, good. And do you, Audreidi, take this smuggler as your lawful wedded husband?]

There was a moment of silence from Han.

"YESSS!!!!" screeched Audreidi. "Even though he isn't exactly lawful..."

Of course, at the same time, Han asked, "Lawful? Oh well..."

"Never mind that, hun."

"Okay, hun." Han hugged her.

[I now pronounce you Jedi and Smuggl... errr... I mean husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.]

Han pulled out a ring. "Here's your ring, princess, and... well..."

Audreidi found a ring and handed it to Han.

"A ring," Tiana said.

"A Hobbit," said the Narrator.

Han and Audreidi kissed, and gave each other rings.

"Oh... okay... shiny..." Han said.

"GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!" Jandalf screamed.

[NEXT!] hollered Chewie.

"C'mon, let's go to the reception," Audreidi said, pulling off Han, who was staring at the shiny gold ring.

"Okay..."

The two walked off.

"Next, we must be," said Yoda.

Chewie sighed, and looked at Yoda. [Do you?] The Wookiee had to refrain from laughing at the sight of such a short Jedi Master in a bow tie looking WAAAAYYYYYY up at him.

"Cute, you are..." Yoda commented to Yaddle. "And yes, marry her, I do."

Chewie looked over at Yaddle. [And do you?]

"Cute are you too! YES!"

"Give Yaddle ring, I must, but part with it, I cannot..."

Yaddle handed Yoda a ring. "Oh, c'mon..."

Yoda handed the ring over to her slowly.

[I now pronounce you husband and wife. You can kiss the bride.]

"Mmmmmyyyy... precioussssss..." Yoda and Yaddle kissed, all the while Yaddle giggled.

[NEXT!!!!!!!] shouted Chewie, as Yaddle and Yoda walked off behind Audreidi and Han.

"ME!!!!!" screamed Padmé.

[Okay, come on up, whoever,] Chewie said. He looked at Padmé. [Do you?]

Boba followed her grudgingly. "How do I kiss her with a bag over my head?"

"Yes," Padmé answered. "And that's it... can I kiss him now?"

Jandalf sighed, and looked at Boba, glaring. "Figure something out... TAKE IT OFF!!!!"

"But... but..."

Chewie glared at the bounty hunter. [Do you?]

"Oh well..." Boba sighed. "Yes, I do." He took the bag off.

[Good. Kiss her. You're married.]

They kissed. "Great, let's go and eat," said Boba.

"Okay!" Padmé waved at everyone. "Bye!"

[NEXT!!!!!] called Chewie.

Leia walked up. "I DEMAND YOU MARRY ME NOW!!!!"

Isolder ran up behind her. "Wait for me, hun!!!!"

Chewie looked at her, confused. [Me?]

Leai glared. "You know what I meant, rug!"

Chewie sighed. [Do you?]

"YES!!!" announed Leia, loudly.

[And do you?] He looked at Isolder.

Isolder was happy to agree. They both gave each other rings.

[Okay, great, kiss, you guys are married.]

Isolder and Leia kissed, and then Leia grinned. "And now you'll have to live by all my rules..."

Isolder turned pale. "Like what...?"

"You'll see, luv..."

[NEEEEXXXXXTTTTTT!!!!!!!!] bellowed Chewie, shoving Isolder and Leia off the stage.

"C'mon," said Qui-Gon, taking Tahl's arm.

"Okay," replied Tahl.

Tiana began quoting off the Princess Bride, until she was hit over the head.

"I LOVE YOU, TAHL!!!" Qui-Gon announced.

[Do you?] asked Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon nodded, and Tahl screeched back, "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!"

[And do you?] Chewie asked Tahl.

"YES!!!!!"

The two smooched for a while, and Anakin covered his eyes.

They gave each other rings. And then Qui-Gon thought of something. "Ummm... bad moonlight..."

"Forget about it, hun," said Tahl. They kissed again.

[NEEEEXXXXTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!] screamed Chewie.

Both Tahl and Qui-Gon left to follow the others.

Jandalf pushed Tiana, who was still mumbling scenes from the Princess Bride, nameingly the wedding. "Go on up, Padawawn."

"Okay..." she stopped going on an on with annoying lines. "C'mon, Ani."

Anakin followed her, though the two were following through quite grudgingly.

Chewie looked at Tiana. [Do you?]

Tiana hesitated. "Ummm... yeah... I suppose so." She fingered her ring.

He looked at Anakin. [Do you?]

"Yep!" announced Ani. "I have to!"

[Cool then. Kiss up. You're married!]

In sync, Tiana and Anakin screamed, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WE HAVE TO KISS?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Chewie sighed. [Adolescents.]

"Let's just go and eat the cake!" Tiana and Anakin said.

[It's part of the pact,] Chewie ordered. [I thought you LOVED each other.]

"Weeeeellll.... yeah.... but...."

Chewie glared at the two.

"Okay, FINE!" Anakin huffed. Tiana and Anakin kissed for about .00000005 seconds, and then glared at Chewie.

He glared at them again.

"FINE!"

Anakin and Tiana kissed for a little longer.

"There, now I can eat!" they both proclaimed.

[Much better,] Chewie said. [NEEEEXXXTTTTT!!!!!]

"Who's left?" asked Jandalf.

In the meantime, Anakin and Tiana rinsed their mouths out.

"You are, master," Tiana pointed out.

Anakin giggled.

"Wow, that was fast," Jandalf said. "Okay."

[Do you?] asked Chewie.

"YOU BET!!!!" Jandalf shouted.

Tiana gargled with Scope.

Chewie looked at Obi-Wan. [And do you?]

Anakin also gargled with Scope.

Obi-Wan ignored the gargling going on in the background. "YES!!!!!"

[Okay, kiss. You're married.]

"She has cooties..." Anakin muttered.

Jandalf and Obi-Wan kissed for a very long time.

"Boy germs," muttered Tiana.

Jandalf and Obi-Wan continued to kiss.

"I can't believe I did that," Anakin said.

Jandalf and Obi-Wan kissed more.

"Neither can I," Tiana answered.

Anakin hid his eyes.

Tiana did too. "MASTER, GET A ROOM!!!!"

"Okay, okay, we're done!" Jandalf said, glaring at the two Padawans who couldn't see the glare anyhow, being as they were both covering their eyes.

Tiana relaxed. "Whew. Now let's find some cake!"

"Yeah, let's go!" said Anakin.

And all the now happily (?) married couples wandered off to go and find some food to eat. I'd like to say that they lived happily ever after-- and hey, some of them did! Isolder and Leia happily ruled Hapes for a long, long time-- Padmé and Boba had fun killing random things, and became reall, really rich. Qui-Gon and Tahl loved each other, and were very happy to finally be married... however, the last three, Audreidi and Han, Jandalf and Obi-Wan, and Tiana and Anakin...? Well... they were a different story all together. They were not fated to live 'happily ever after', in fact, they didn't even get a decent honeymoon-- fate was not for them.

To find out what happens to them later, keep watch for the Lord of the Garlic! Coming soon, we HOPE, to a fanfiction forum near you!

Yeah, that's really it!

THE END!

Or should we say: The BEGINNING! We're nowhere near done... I have yet to see the Spawn of Jandalf and Obi-Wan appear... snicker.

And thus passes the tale of the Paint Wars-- the saga that was merely the BEGINNING!!!

(Credits scroll up over screen)

Jandalf: The spawn of WHO??? (faints)

Obi-Wan: (faints likewise)

Narrator: (snicker)


	5. Epi 6 point 5: Aftermath of the Wedding

**Paint Wars Episode Vi.V: Epilogue... but it's not over yet!**

**(Translated: After the wedding... for our favorite pair of insane Padawans.)**

Disclaimer: Typical disclaimer applies. Scene wrote by Tiana only, because she was very bored, and wanted to write this. Heh. So thus we skip the stupid intro, and go straight to the tale...

****

It was a bright and sunny day, and Tiana was sitting on her bed, wondering what had happened to her Master. She had ideas, of course-- considering that hers and Anakin's Masters had just got married the other day-- but those were merely from watching too many movies.

Well, it was sunny _outside_. To be more exact, it was remotely resembling a storm where two Padawans sat back to back, staring at opposite sides of the same wall.

Crickets were making ample use of the lack of chatter.

"We can't go on like this forever," Anakin commented after three consecutive hours of crickets chirping.

"We can get close." Tiana sighed, and leaned forward on her elbows. "Darn the narrators."

"I can't help we were blackmailed into this."

"You were blackmailed too?"

"Yeah."

She sighed again, and finally turned around. "Masters," she muttered.

Anakin agreed with that sentiment, turning around to look her over. He was still taller than her, though, since they were both sitting crosslegged, the height wasn't so dramatically different. "I wonder how long we can go without talking until our Masters notice?" he asked, wryly.

"You think they'll notice?"

He shrugged. "Dunno."

"You know, we just broke that 'we won't talk to each other' goal," Tiana said, dryly.

Anakin shrugged again.

Tiana sighed, until the present narrator threatened to pull the crickets back out. "I don't know if they'd notice," she said, softly. "But you have to admit, they do notice a lot."

"Like the fact that we're talking to each other again?"

"Well... I wouldn't go that far."

"Heh."

Again, an uneasy silence. The two Padawans weren't particularly comfortable with being boyfriend/girlfriend materiel, since they had only realized they liked each other two episodes or so ago.

Tiana broke that silence. "Sorry about taking you from Padmé."

Anakin shrugged. "It's AU."

"Yeah, good point."

"I thought you didn't like points."

"That _not_ the point."

Anakin grinned, and Tiana sighed, and sank backwards. "Oy. Any garlic?"

"Nope. Obi-Wan confiscated it five minutes after the wedding was over..."

"...and then both of our Masters went and hugged yet more," Tiana finished, an amused smile on her face. "Masters," she said again, sighing. But it was lighthearted-- neither of them were that annoyed. Considering it was better for the two Masters to be married anyway, so they could express romantic sentiments without qualms.

Even if it annoyed the two very unromantically inclined Padawans that they both had.

"Yeah." Anakin smiled distantly. "They certainly like each other."

"Well, that's an understatement!" Tiana smirked, then grew gradually grimmer as she realized the full implications of that. "Then what happens to us?" she asked darkly.

"We like each other too, don't we?" asked Anakin lightly.

"Yeah... well... that's not what I'm talking about. I mean... if our Masters are married... what happens to us now? We're not Knights yet." Tiana closed her eyes, and tried to invision what would happen if that were the case, but all she got for a mental image was chaos.

Seemingly Anakin received the same picture, for he grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. "We'll be okay, Tiana."

She smiled. "Yeah. Right."

"Was that sarcastic?"

"I'm not sure. Weren't we just suppose to make a truce, and not fall in love?"

"Well..."

She grinned again, completely sincerely. "If Jandalf finds out, she'll never let me live it down," she said, her tone light, and without the grim feel she had a moment before.

"Well... we made a truce at least."

"At _least_."

It was Anakin's turn to grin, and then turn red as he realized he was still holding her hand. "Uhh..."

"Oh, give it a rest!" Tiana poked him. "It's not like we're not friends, Ani."

"Yeah..."

"...just not romantically inclined friends..."

"Well... we weren't _suppose_ to be..."

"Times change..."

"Why do I get the feeling we won't be able to use the 'don't talk to each other' truce anymore?" Anakin asked.

Tiana shrugged. "Maybe because we're talking to each other?"

"That might be it..."

"Make a new truce?"

"Good plan."

The two Padawans thought for a while, luckily neither of them exploding from the effort of doing such. It was still a bright and sunny day outside. It also remained bright and sunny for the while, as there was no dark and evil scenes to merit thunder and storms.

Time passed slowly, and yet quickly as they attempted to think through a new truce. The previous plan of not talking to each other no longer seemed to be able to work.

"Jandalf won't let me live this down," Tiana muttered, referring to her typically immature Master.

"Neither will Obi-Wan."

"So..." Tiana shrugged. "How's this: No personal contact in public or in front of either of our Masters for a truce?"

Anakin debated over this for the time. "Define 'personal contact'."

She shrugged again. "Anything that gets two characters closer than they would be on a regular basis in the Temple-- but nothing closer than hugging," she added, as an afterthought.

"And nothing closer than that until _you're_ eighteen or older," Anakin added.

"That's fair, I think." Tiana grinned faintly. "As long as we can talk to each other in front of our Masters still, right?"

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "Just checking."

He grinned. "Okay."

Tiana thought over the truce. "As long as our Masters don't find out, it should save us too much embarrassment," she said, dryly. "That is the point of it, correct?"

"Correct."

"Our Masters certainly aren't the best examples on this topic, though..."

"Oh?"

"I mean, they went and matchmaked half the Temple pretty much just so they could get married."

Anakin shrugged. "We grew garlic all over the Temple to avoid each other."

"Heh."

They were quiet for a bit longer, and then Anakin muttered, "But the garlic did backfire on the wedding date."

Tiana rolled her eyes. "I thought Chewie would've known well enough-- or at least our Masters-- that you can't make two teenagers kiss after they've ate garlic." They both made twin faces of distaste. "I mean... the whole germs issue is _one _thing... but _garlic?!_"

"I don't think they knew," Anakin pointed out.

"She's good enough at reading my mind," Tiana muttered. "She should've known."

Anakin grinned at the perturbed female Padawan still sitting on the bed. "Hey, it was your idea."

"You started the garlic thing in the first place..."

"Well..."

"Yes, you did. You went and grew the plant you had found on the last mission and it all came up from that." She playfully hit him. He rolled his eyes. Tiana proceeded to turn red again as she realized she was _still_ holding his hand.

"You look good in red," Anakin commented.

"I'm wearing green," she muttered. "I look like a Christmas tree now." Tiana let go of his hand, and fanned her face, proceeding to only make her hair messy, and make her even redder than she had been a moment before.

She looked remotely like someone had dumped red dye on her.

Anakin laughed. "Don't worry about it."

"But I _am _worrying about it!" She sighed, and flopped backwards. "Why shouldn't I worry about it?" Her height was all that saved her from hitting her head on the wall behind her. Luckily the wall was not sentient, and could not eavesdrop on this conversation.

"Shouldn't you be worried about the fact that you still smell like garlic?"

"Hey, I can't help that it stays with you!"

"Were you eating garlic today?"

"No!" Tiana sat back up, and ran one hand through her hair, and just made it messier than ever. "Force, my hair's going to be like this forever at this rate."

Anakin observed her fight with her hair with an amused smile. "Leave it," he determined. "It looks good."

"Yeah right it looks good. I'm scruffy looking!"

"Who's scruffy looking?"

She hit him again. "I am," she muttered. "Look at me."

He dodged her blow. "I am looking at you."

"I noticed," she said, dryly.

Anakin smiled. "I always looked at you."

"I was aware of that-- but only because I was looking back," she shot.

"So.... why did you spend all your time looking at me if you didn't like me back then?"

"You _know_ I liked you back then, Ani." Tiana rolled her eyes once more. "Jandalf noticed that I liked you right away... even if she didn't comment."

"Well... I was looking at both you and Padmé," Anakin conceded.

"I thought so." A sly grin. "But you can't look at her anymore."

"Why not?"

She poked him. "You have to look at me now."

"I am looking at you."

"Are we going to be able to hide this from our Masters?"

"You changed the subject!"

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what what?!"

Anakin sighed. "Never mind."

She smiled distantly. "We've got two and a half years, Anakin."

"What?"

"Two and a half years before I'm 18."

Anakin found himself smiling as she hugged him tightly. "I don't think we'll manage," he said, softly.

Tiana broke the embrace and looked at him pointedly. "Well, that's what garlic's for, right?"

He grinned. "Right."


End file.
